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Put Your Oxygen Mask On First: Self Regulation Tools for Parents

Bianka Hardin
April 15, 2019
Community Events

We believe it is important for parents to focus on their self-care, their regulation, and for them to get the support they need to be the best parents they can be.  As are result, we developed a workshop that is experiential, supportive, and informative with a focus on building a supportive community and parental self-care and regulation.

We know that parenting is the hardest job there is. It is unrealistic to think and expect that we, as parents, are always emotionally regulated!  Life is complicated and stressful.  Yet, research supports the idea that the more emotionally regulated the parent or caregiver is, the healthier the "climate" is in the family.  The ability to self-regulate doesn't often come naturally to us as parents.  It's possible we did not come from an environment that was calm, safe, nurturing, and predictable.  As a result, we may not have the tools we need to calm ourselves while also being present for our child when they need soothing and atunement.  

Self-regulation is the ability to modulate the intensity and expression of our emotions and physiological responses. In order to effectively regulate our emotions and physiological responses, we need to monitor, recognize and adapt our emotions and bodily reactions to our circumstances. Research consistently shows that self-regulation is a necessary skill for our emotional, physical, and social well-being.

Children are not born with the natural ability to regulate their emotional arousal and need their parents’ soothing presence to help them manage their arousal, fear, frustration, and anger. Infants and young children learn to soothe themselves through interaction with their caregivers and having having their physical and emotional needs met. Bessel van der Kolk (2005) asserts that a parent’s “primary function” is to help their child learn to manage their own arousal. When children are upset and encounter a calming response from their parents, they learn how to settle and begin to build a basis for trust and safety within themselves and in their relationships. Over time, a child begins to internalize the expectation of a soothing response which provides a foundation for learning self-regulation.

How we regulate our emotions and physiology becomes the foundation for how we experience the world, relate to others, and find meaning in life (Seigel, 1999)” Children look to their parents to understand their own responses and to feel safe. The overall “emotional climate” within a family is a good predictor of a child’s ability to self-manage their feelings. In general, a positive emotional environment is consistently linked to children feeling more emotional safety and acceptance. When the emotional environment is negative, distressing, chaotic, or unpredictable, children tend to be more reactive and emotionally insecure. For more info on regulation and child development check out this article. <For more information on this, check out this article. >  

We know self-regulation isn't easy and may not come naturally.  We also know this ability can be learned and through practice we can increase our regulation.  We invite you to join us on April 22nd at Coconut Yoga in North Center to learn more about self-regulation and do something good for yourself! <Register for "Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First" >.

 

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​Bianka Hardin, Psy.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and owner of Centered Therapy Chicago, LLC. Dr. Hardin founded CTC in 2014 with the mission to help children, adolescents, and adults improve their mental health and quality of life. Dr. Hardin provides individual, couples, and family therapy as well as supervision and consultation services.  She also presents in the community on issues related to parenting, child abuse prevention, self-care, mindfulness, trauma stewardship, and cultural issues.

Who am I as a therapist? I believe that therapy can enrich people’s lives and relationships. I love being a therapist and have seen clients overcome challenges and dramatically improve their lives. Life struggles are inevitable and you don’t need to wait until there is a “problem” to seek therapy. It takes strength and courage to ask for help and sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take the first step in asking for support. My ideal client is someone who recognizes that they would like to make changes in their life and is willing to work with me to begin to improve their quality of life.

Who do I work with? I work with teens/adults on issues related to overall life or job satisfaction, stress/anxiety, relationships, identity, mindfulness, and spirituality. I also work with couples and families on issues related to relationship and communication issues, life balance, and family/parenting concerns.

I also enjoy working with clients who are in the mental health field who could benefit from getting additional support in the important work they are doing, who are struggling with vicarious trauma or burnout, or who are interested receiving case consultation or support in their own professional development.

When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible. – Brene Brown

My areas of interest. My specialty is trauma/abuse and I feel honored to accompany clients on their journeys to healing from past abuse. I also enjoy working with therapists and other helping professionals on issues related to their professional development and preventing burnout and/or vicarious trauma. Additionally, I am interested in health and wellness, holistic healing, and mindfulness.

How I practice. I am compassionate, calming, encouraging, and strength-based. I utilize a collaborative and relational approach when working with clients. I value the client and the therapeutic relationship. I listen to clients, meet them where they are at in life, and work with them to develop their own unique goals.

I think is important to view clients from a holistic perspective and consider all of the important areas of their lives when we work together. I take a mind/body/spirit approach and am comfortable supplementing traditional psychotherapy with mindfulness, relational interventions, and body focused psychotherapy and Somatic Experiencing as needed or requested by my clients.

My background. I attained my PsyD at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in 2000. While in school, I completed my clinical training with refugees of foreign conflict and torture survivors at the Marjorie Kovler Center in Chicago before going on to work at CAUSES in Lakeview, working with children, adolescents, and adults whose families were referred by the Department of Children and Families Services.  Next, I was a pre-doctoral intern at Advocate Family Care Network and the Childhood Trauma Treatment Program. There, I provided assessments and treatment for abuse victims, while also facilitating an adolescent girls’ sexual abuse survivor group, a male sex offender group, and children’s social skills group.

After completing my doctorate degree, I went on to complete my Post-Doctoral Fellowship at the Department of Health and Human Services at the Village of Hoffman Estates and eventually became the Assistant Director and Director of the department.

I have taught at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology since 2001.  I became the Associate Department Chair of the Clinical PsyD Department in 2007 with a focus on the development and oversight of the Child and Adolescent Track, and served as a full-time faculty member. In 2013, I transitioned to a part-time faculty member and am currently an Adjunct Professor. I have taught classes focused on Ethics, Diversity, Trauma, Professional and Clinical Development, and Cultural Issues.

In addition to running the practice and teaching, I stay active as a consultant and clinical supervisor.  I have consulted and presented on issues related to child abuse prevention, parenting, play therapy, vicarious trauma, self-care, mindfulness, therapist self-care, and cultural issues.

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